On Trust

Uncategorized

“Wherever you lead me, I know you won’t leave me.  Wherever you call me, you will make away.  Wherever we’re going – I will keep holding to the promise you have made: you will make a way.”

Sometimes doubts and insecurities flood my mind.  Lately it seems like I can’t shut them off.  I’m concerned that my graduation and, of course, about my writing.  It’s all too easy to let “what ifs” flood the mind.  I try to only let the positive “what ifs” take over, but the negative ones often stage a coup d’etat and take control.  “What if I can’t find a job after graduation?  What if my writing is more dreadful than I think it is?  What if I never get published?”  I should instead be taking risks and listening to the good “what ifs,” “What if I succeed?  What if my book hits the best seller list?  What if I have so many job offers next spring that I don’t know what to do with myself?  What if I get into that MFA program fully funded?”  I’ll never know what could happen if I let the negative “what ifs” keep me from trying.

I’m finding that trust is what helps quell those negative thoughts.  It has a lot to do with trusting myself and my own capabilities, but also in trusting my God.  My faith is what reassures me that everything will work out in the end, even if it takes longer to get to that happy ending than I anticipated.  The quote above is from a song by I Am They called “Make a Way.”  It’s core message is one of trust.  Trusting that no matter what, if what you are pursuing is what is ultimately intended for your life, then God will make a way.  

I have been listening to this song a lot lately.  When those doubts and negative “what ifs” have creeped into my mind, I’ll sing this chorus over and over in my head “I know you won’t leave me…you will make a way.”  It helps me to trust in what God has promised for my future.  It helps me remember that if writing is what God wants me to do, then I will be successful at it.  It helps me trust in his plan, even though I don’t know it yet.

I’m sure not all of you believe in God, but perhaps you believe in your own capabilities, or in the faith others have in your success.  If this song isn’t something that will inspire you to keep to the path, then let something else inspire you.  It’s crucial, though, to not let the negative “what ifs” drown out the positive ones.  Don’t let your purpose waver, and don’t stop doing what you love – whatever that may be.  

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On Motivation

The Book, Writing

I’ve been trying to develop a plan of some sort for writing my novel since school got out.  I was feeling so extremely motivated to get this thing truly started, and subsequently finished, after attending the Pike’s Peak Writers Conference (PPWC) but after the spring semester ended I was truly on my own, and my motivation wavered.  Since the middle of May I’ve been in a slump, I guess you could say.  I’ve been writing – here and for Odyssey – but that was all.  I have a short story that I have been working on for almost a year at this point that I vowed to finish this summer, but it’s on a somewhat tricky topic and I may not end up finishing it ever…  But I was using finishing that story as an excuse to put of writing the novel.  That was a stupid idea, as I have come to realize in the past couple of days.

During the school year I am surrounded by people who inspire me to write more.  I am in classes where writing is the main goal and I’m involved in the writing club where virtually all we do is talk about writing.  I think I have taken this for granted, but now I realize the value of having a group of people to go to with any and all writing concerns.

I didn’t realize how significant this was, or how much of a slump I was in, until a couple of days ago.  I was on Facebook  and saw one of the members of said writing club posting an update on their novel’s progress.  They are doing extraordinarily well in getting to their goal of 120,000 words, and their post maid me realize that I am not doing so well.  It reminded me to reach out to everyone in the club about getting together over the summer, and also started some conversations about writing that proved very beneficial to me.  It’s motivating to see others that you know doing well in their writing endeavors, and really makes me want to have some progress to show for myself as well.  Talking to others who reside within the writing community is so incredibly helpful.  It’s inspiring.  It’s motivating.  It gave me the kick in the butt I need to really get going on my novel.

I can say, too, that as of today I seem to be crawling out of the slump.  It may be a bit soon to know for sure, but I’m already gaining more ground in the last couple of days than I have in the last couple of months.  I’m starting to put that “90 Days to a Novel” seminar that I went to at PPWC to use, and so far it’s working.  I have a synopsis for the book almost completely finished and an even better idea of what will happen throughout the novel, which is much more than could have been said for me a couple of weeks ago.  I guess the ultimate point of this post is to say that if you’re stuck, find someone to talk to.  Call up that friend you met at a conference or an old professor who always helped you out and talk about what they are writing.  Hearing what others are doing may just help you, and hopefully one day when they call you up the progress you are making will inspire them.  It’s all about finding motivation – so go out and find it!

On Consistency

Uncategorized, Writing

Last week was the first week that I failed to write a post.  I went from a published piece on Thursday to this new piece on Sunday, with nothing in between.  Although I certainly have not been on this little blogging venture for long, I have been consistent.  I’ve churned out a post every week since I started this thing back in April, and I must say that I feel a little dissappointed in myself for not having something ready to go last week.  I’ve skipped a week, and while that little tiny blunder is going to cause my perfectionist brain to have an aneurysm (figuratively at least), I know that it’s okay.

I even have a good reason.  More than one good reason to be precise.  For one thing, it was a holiday week.  I know, I know – that doesn’t make for an excuse, but it does make the week feel a little wonky.  Where was it that I used that word lately? Wonky.  I even looked it up – it’s British in origin, for those who are wondering.  Now every time I hear it I am going to hear each syllable in a British accent.  The other excuse I have for not posting last week is that my first summer class began.  Summer classes this year are an odd combination of being the bane of my existence and my saving grace (for more on why I’m taking summer classes, see here), but that first class has made the last week of my life a little bit crazy.  It was four days in a row for almost eight hours each day.  My hours being consumed with leadership practices, creating a presentation, and working on group projects made focusing on this blog a little bit difficult.

I’m not sure why I’ve decided to turn this post into an excuse-fest.  I think I’m trying to explain my actions to myself.  You see, my greatest fear is disappointing myself.  If I can wake up everyday and feel pleased with who I am and what I have accomplished, then I’ll be happy.  It’s when I wake up in the morning dreading what I have to do that day, or having an unfinished task nagging at me in the back of my mind that I’m miserable.  One of my New Years words (I decided to do words and ideas this year instead of resolutions) was consistency.  I didn’t know that this word would eventually apply to my blog, but it has.  Not writing a post last week felt like breaking a promise to myself.

Consistency is so important to a writer.  Without it, fishing one voice from the sea of many is virtually impossible.  As a writer, I believe that I need to be consistent in what I put out into the world.  I need to make sure that what I say sounds like I would say it; that it holds true to my values and beliefs; and that it appears on the World Wide Web when I said it would.  Granted, I’ve never promised anyone that I’d publish every week, but my brain likes to think that it counts as a separate individual.  I promised myself.

Who knows why I’ve decided to get so personal for this post.  Although I think I’ve often gotten pretty up close and personal with other posts, this one seems different.  It’s showing the world the inner workings of my brain.  Some of you will probably think that I’m a psycho control freak – and maybe I am.  I’ve always been brutally hard on myself, especially when it comes to my personal creative endeavors, and this blog is very important to me.  I don’t want to let it, or myself, down.

But I also need to lighten up.  I get that.  I’m going to publish this, and all will be well in the world.  Even when I didn’t publish last week, the world kept turning, God was still good, the grass was still green, and I still had summer classes (which is just dreadful, really).  I need to learn to be okay with whatever happens.  Consistency is important, but so is my sanity.

I think that this is enough for today.  Rambling on about blog posts and consistency won’t help anything, but publishing this will help my schedule get back on track.  I’ll no longer wake up with that nagging in the back of my head to get something posted here, and my days will no longer seem wonky (you heard an accent there this time, right?)