This post might as well be called “The Story of My Life.” As I type this (something that I have put off for several days now) I am putting off writing the book as well as writing an essay for my one summer class. Isn’t that just great?
For most of my life I have been a procrastinator. It’s a tricky trap, the trap of procrastination, and once you fall in it’s virtually impossible to escape. Procrastination has worked for me so far. I have gotten through school with good grades. I’m an English Major who writes her papers the day before they are due, and that has worked for me, but I don’t think that will work with the book I’m trying to write.
I’ve put off writing the book for a while. It’s kind of strange, really, because I’m not sure why I keep putting it off. It’s immensely exciting to think about the prospect of writing the book and actually having something so wonderful and complete. It’s even more exciting to think about having something to send off to publishers and literary agents. This is what I want to do with my life – to write. So why do I keep putting it off?
I think that ultimately my procrastination stems from fear. I’m afraid to put so much of myself into something and then have it be a flop. Even if it’s somehow some huge success, that’s kind of terrifying. I don’t know how to navigate the world I am trying to become a part of. I really don’t know what I’m doing, and that’s kind of scary.
Procrastination is something that has never negatively effected me in the past, put I can’t put off writing this thing that I am so invested in any longer. I’m excited. Genuinely excited to write – but it’s hard to actually get to the writing at times. I need to let go of my fear and let my old habits die hard (at least when it comes to the book) and actually do it. I am writing, don’t get me wrong, but it is begrudgingly and at the last minute every evening. I am going to (try) to forget the fear and just write. I want this book to be magnificent – but the fear that it won’t be is not going to stop me any longer!